i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
