My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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