This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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