Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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