Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
