Your dad touched me again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
