I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
