Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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