Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
