i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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