I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
