I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
