I just threw up on my dentist
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
