If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
