I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize