I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
