4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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