I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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