Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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