Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
