Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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