Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
