Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want to make out with him forever
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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