her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
