also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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