a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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