So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
