I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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