if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
