I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
