It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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