a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
