3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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