It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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