Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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