she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
