He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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