just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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