toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
