Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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