SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize