He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
