I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
