remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
