Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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