there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
