Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
