dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
