i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
