Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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