There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
