You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
