Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
