She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
