Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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