that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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