I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
