shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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