he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
