I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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