I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
