Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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