I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
