Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
