i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
