I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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